Dating and relationships involve different needs, feelings, and personal boundaries. Sometimes boundaries are crossed, and harmful or violent behavior can occur.
Boundaries and Boundary Violations
Everyone has personal boundaries and the right to have those boundaries respected. It is important to know your own boundaries and communicate them clearly. At the same time, it is equally important to respect the boundaries of others. You are allowed to say no – and others are too.
A boundary is crossed when someone ignores another person’s «no» or does not respect their limits. This can happen intentionally or unintentionally, for example because someone wants to stay in control, feels angry, overwhelmed, or is not paying attention. These reasons may help explain why a boundary is crossed, but they do not excuse the behavior.
A violation of boundaries can sometimes be addressed through an honest apology, taking responsibility, and changing the behavior. However, when someone repeatedly ignores boundaries and uses pressure, fear, coercion, or control, it can become violence.
This is why it is important to notice boundaries and take them seriously.
Violence
Violence occurs when someone harms another person or ignores their boundaries. It often involves using power to control, intimidate, or influence another person’s behavior.
Violence is never acceptable and can harm everyone involved. Recognizing violence – whether in yourself or in others – can help protect yourself and others and encourage people to take responsibility.
It is important to remember: The responsibility for violence always lies with the person who uses it. No one is to blame if they find it difficult to defend themselves, say no, or set boundaries.
What are the different forms of violence?
Violence can take different forms, for example:
- Emotional: Insulting, threatening, humiliating, controlling behavior, or using jealousy to control someone
- Digital: Checking someone’s phone without permission, monitoring their location, or controlling their online activities
- Physical: Hitting, choking, kicking, or causing other forms of physical harm
- Sexual: Unwanted touching, pressuring or forcing someone into sexual acts, or sexual intercourse against their will
- Economic: Controlling someone’s money, restricting access to finances, or preventing someone from working
How can you recognize Violence?
As a general rule:
- Anything that causes harm, creates fear, or feels wrong can be a sign of violence. Your feelings and perception matter.
- Behaviour is especially concerning when it is intentional, repeated, continues over time, creates pressure, or negatively affects your everyday life. It often involves control, humiliation, threats, or intimidation.
Why does violence occur?
Violence can result from feelings such as anger, fear, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, or a desire for control.
Some people struggle to deal with strong emotions or conflicts and may react in harmful or violent ways. For example, someone may respond violently because they feel rejected, disappointed, humiliated, or hurt.
These feelings may help explain why violence happens, but they do not excuse it. Responsibility always lies with the person who uses violence.
That is why it is important to recognize warning signs early, talk about difficult feelings, and seek support before someone is harmed.
Help and Support
There are support services, such as 147 Pro Juventute, that provide counseling and guidance to young people. Further assistance and resources are available here.
Have you experienced violence?
You are not alone. Talk to someone you trust or find more information here.
