A slap. A threat. The need to control everything… and then what? Violence is not just a mistake. It is harmful, it causes pain, and it destroys trust and relationships.
Change does not begin with ignoring what happened or making excuses. It begins with the courage to take responsibility and face your own actions. A life without violence is possible, and it means:
• Healthier relationships, in your current relationship and in future ones.
• Greater self-respect, confidence, and satisfaction with who you are and how you act.
• A more positive and fulfilling role as a partner or parent.
• The opportunity to be a role model, for your children and for the people around you.
• More peace and stability in everyday life, because you can handle conflict more effectively and address problems openly.
A life with violence destroys relationships, trust, and security – for your partner, your family, your children, and yourself. The consequences can be serious and may affect people for the rest of their lives.
Consequences for you
Using violence has consequences for you too. Many people who use violence feel ashamed of their behavior. They may experience guilt, regret their actions, feel powerless, and become trapped in a vicious cycle. They may also feel that they have failed and no longer recognize themselves.
Others describe it like this:
«I acted like I had everything under control. But inside, there was only chaos.»
«Afterwards I asked myself: Why do I do this? This isn't who I am.»
«I destroyed what nattered to me most. I still regret that today.»
For many people, it is difficult to deal with these feelings, and it may seem easier to push them away. But this does not work in the long run, and more importantly, it harms everyone involved. Support is available here.
Consequences for victims
If you use violence, it is important to understand the impact it has on the person you have harmed. In any form, your actions can leave deep and lasting effects.
Violence does not only cause harm in the moment, its consequences can be serious and long-lasting. Many victims live with ongoing fear and stress. They may constantly wonder when it will happen again. They struggle to relax, feel devalued, sad, and powerless, and may struggle to understand why this is happening, especially when the relationship is supposed to be built on love and trust.
And when you apologize afterward and promise it will never happen again, hope may return: maybe this time everything will be okay. Until the cycle repeats.
Take a moment to imagine what this experience feels like for them: how would you feel?
Consequences for family and environment
Violence does not only harm your relationship with your partner – it also affects your relationship with your family, and especially with your children. Children notice far more than you think. They see, hear, and feel the stress, fear, and tension around them. Even if you do not realize it, your violence affects their trust in you and their sense of safety.
As a parent, you are one of your child’s most important role models. Using violence teaches your child that violence is an acceptable way to deal with conflict – and what children learn, they often pass on.
The people around you may also be affected more than you realize. Your violent behavior can put a strain on friendships and family relationships and change how others see and trust you.
