Many of us know people who have experienced violence, people who have been controlled, put down, or hurt in their relationships. But hardly anyone knows someone who uses violence. How is this possible?
It can be difficult to imagine that someone in your own circle of friends, family, or workplace could be abusive or violent. This may be because many of us have a one-sided image of what a violent person looks like: someone who is loud, angry, and dangerous, usually a stranger. We also often think of violence as something that is mainly physical.
But this image is incomplete.
Violence happens much closer to home than we think. It is committed by people of all ages, social backgrounds, and walks of life. However, statistics show that most perpetrators are men.
Violence often begins with controlling behavior, constant criticism, emotional pressure, or demeaning comments. And that is exactly the problem: these forms of violence are still overlooked, minimized, or excused far too often.
For example:
- Demeaning or hurtful remarks about the partner
- Outbursts of anger or aggressive behavior when things do not go their way
- Attempts to isolate the partner from friends and family
- Decisions are made alone, without the other person having a say
- The partner is often criticized, belittled, or ridiculed
- Boundaries are not respected or are intentionally crossed
- Jealousy and control are presented as «love»
- Sexist comments or misogynistic jokes are packaged as «humor»
Many of these behaviors are already forms of emotional violence. Others can be early warning signs. Either way, they should be taken seriously. This is where the people around someone can make a difference by paying attention and taking action.
What can you do?
- Stay alert: If something feels wrong, take it seriously and address it. Staying silent does not protect the person affected. It protects the person causing harm.
- Take a stand: Speak up against sexist, degrading, or comments that minimize violence. Say something when friends make disrespectful jokes or cross someone’s boundaries. Especially among men, it can make a real difference when they challenge each other’s behavior, because men often listen to other men.
- Make space to talk: Listen when someone wants to talk. Be there for them without pressuring them.
- Offer support: Learn about support services and share this information. If you are unsure what to do, seek advice yourself.
- Act in emergencies: In urgent situations, call 117 (police) or 144 (medical emergency).
Your actions matter. Courage can start small, with an open ear, a clear stance, or a simple sentence like: «That’s not okay».
